So here's the deal, I was pregnant. That meant I was raped. I didn't tell anyone except my mum because I wanted to keep it, we were planning what was gonna happen when it was born.I didn't want to tempt fate by telling anyone before the third month.
Then Naomi's birthday came. The one I ran myself ragged trying to orginise. It was a meal first then out clubbing. I was having a good time, Nomi was leaving me out but i shrugged it off and sat next to kyle and amy, who recently got engaged(!!!!). I even made up with Carl and Louise in the spirit of it being Naomi's birthday.Then half way through my meal i felt sick, so i ran to the bathroom. Amy followed me and held my hair back. I didn't have to tell her what was wrong with me, she guessed.
Kyle stayed outside and went to the other table to tell Nomi my "best friend" that i was "ill". She made a load of jokes with her new friends from work about how drunk i must be. I tell you i could of shot my brains out in that toilet and she wouldn't of heard, or cared.
When I finally finished throwing up, kyle and amy took me outside, they had all my stuff and i was confused. Kyle told me Naomi had taken her friends and left. After i had paid for everything, spent two hours finding a outfit that didn't make me look pregnant.
I became hysterical. If it was for Kyle and Amy lord knows what i would of done. I didn't even know where I was. The took me home and made sure i was calm before they left. Then I abondoned all my dignity and sent her frantic texts telling her i wasn't drunk I was pregnant!
Her response "I can't support you when I have my own problems. maybe when mine are sorted yeah but I don't have time for your problems. Sorry Hun!!!!" WHAT FUCKING PROBLEMS?????????
Yesterday I got bad stomache pains and put it down to more withdrawl symptoms of coming off everything. Then there was all this blood...
I am sinking, and both my best friends are gone now. Will and Naomi. I miss him. He'd always manage to make me laugh when I was like this. I am empty.
So here's to 2006, without Will, without Nomi, without the baby... it would of been due in July.
I hope you lot are all doing a hell of a lot better than me. You'll b happy to know I haven't self-harmed at all. I am serious about giving that up. I haven't even got drunk.
So nobody begrudge me my ciggerate.