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About no self respect

Previous Entry no self respect Nov. 16th, 2005 @ 12:53 pm Next Entry
I have now realized that I hold absolutly no self-respect. I let him walk all over me and he just continues on and drinks again. He doesnt have any respect for me or else he would change, or get help. But no. He's drunk again for the third time this month,.. right in a row. I dont know what to think. Hej ust hurts me. and I have absolutly no trust anymore. Nothing.

help me god. please help me. Help him god. That would be 100 times better. Or if I am supposed to be learning from this, what is going on? Whhhhhyyy do I hurt so bad everytime he drinks? I think it might be because he lies. He's lying to me and I know he's been drinking.

Then after he wakes up the next morning... he apologizes and I cant stay mad at him. I can't hold the whole "I DONT WANT TO BE WITH YOU ANYMORE" thing because I love him. I know I do. and I am scared that I would miss him. :(

But I hurt all the time. Its very rare that I don't and I doubt my feelings all the time. I dont feel happy. I feel very depressed and I am just so tired.

:( And i am sad. I dont like being sad.
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From:gnotobiotically
Date:November 17th, 2005 05:06 am (UTC)
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I actually broke off a relationship because of drinking.
Luckily I wasn't really serious with him by the time I was fed up with it.

It just got to the point where the man I was with wasn't the man that I cared about half the time.
I know why I hurt when he drank. I hurt because he was someone else...
He became someone else, a man I didn't know...
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From:denimpetal
Date:November 17th, 2005 03:09 pm (UTC)
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oh love, you sound so wonderful, you don't derserve this at all. He needs to know JUST how upset you are, even it pains you more. If he truly loves you he will clean his act up. Don't throw it on him all at once, maybe one morning refuse his apology and walk away, not for long. Let him catch you crying your eyes out one day.
Love is nothing if it is not honest, and when he asks you what's wrong tell him EXACTLY what's wrong. That's easier said than done I know..
stay strong, peace out *abi*
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From:beaudoux
Date:November 17th, 2005 05:20 pm (UTC)
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:) Thank you. I havent accepted his apology. He was up all nightt rying to talkt o me about it. I am just angry . I dont know. It's hard. he said he'd go to meetings, (AA meetings) so.. we'll see if that happens. I am also supposed tobe spending Xmas at his parents with him and I told him I wouldn't go. So that made him realize it's serious. I dont know. I am trying to get through this again, I am stronger than I have been in the past though. Thank you for your comment. I appreciate you. :)
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From:denimpetal
Date:November 18th, 2005 12:27 pm (UTC)
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No worries honey, you're being very brave, and if he does go to aa meetings so is he. Good luck and if you ever want to talk again just add me and I'll add you right back.
peace out *abi*
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From:dolphinsunset
Date:August 13th, 2006 09:24 pm (UTC)
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You don't deserve this! As denimpetal says if he truely loves you he'll do something about it.

If he doesn't, why should you have to put up with this crap? Only he can help himself because he has to make the decision to get better.

My ex was an alcaholic (can't spell it) and I wanted to help him, but he just left without a trace one day. Don't let that happen to you. You are important too and you deserve to be happy. Maybe God can help him, but you shouldn't feel like that's your job.

If he wants to make that change for himself then I'm sure he'd appricate your help.

Take care honey and I hope everything works out for the better x

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